Golf Jokes

I have a tip that can take five strokes off anyone’s golf game: it’s called an eraser. – Arnold Palmer

The other day I broke 70. That’s a lot of clubs. – Anonymous

Golf is like a love affair. If you don’t take it seriously, it’s no fun; if you do take it seriously, it breaks your heart.- Arthur Daley

If you drink, don’t drive. Don’t even putt.- Dean Martin

Golf and sex are the only things you can enjoy without being good at them.- Jimmy DeMaret

I play in the low 80s. If it’s any hotter than that, I won’t play.- Joe E. Lewis

Reverse every natural instinct and do the opposite of what you are inclined to do, and you will probably come very close to having a perfect golf swing.- Ben Hogan

It’s good sportsmanship not to pick up lost balls while they are still rolling.- Mark Twain

I’m not saying my golf game went bad, but if I grew tomatoes, they’d come up sliced.- Lee Trevino

If you’re caught on a golf course during a storm and are afraid of lightning, hold up a 1-iron. Not even God can hit a 1-iron.- Lee Trevino

I’m hitting the woods just great, but I’m having a terrible time getting out of them.- Harry Toscano

Golf is played by twenty million mature American men whose wives think they are out having fun.- Jim Bishop

Golf is a game in which you yell “fore,” shoot six, and write down five.- Paul Harvey

Art said he wanted to get more distance. I told him to hit it and run backward.- Ken Venturi (talking about Art Rosenbaum)

Golf is the most fun you can have without taking your clothes off.- Chi Chi Rodriguez

If I hit it right, it’s a slice. If I hit it left, it’s a hook. If I hit it straight, it’s a miracle.- Anonymous

With thanks to http://www.chucktheputter.com/ JB